We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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