there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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