i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
