its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
