This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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