i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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