she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
