I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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