Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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