Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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