Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
