While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
