Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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