somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
