I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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