Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
