At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
