Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
