I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
