you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
