My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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