I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
