Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
