Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's rum buckets o'clock
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
