i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
