boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
