I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
