Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They have beer where we have blood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
