I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
