When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
