I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
