you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
