if you like me you must not know who I am
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
