Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
