So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
