when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
