Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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