hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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