i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
