i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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