It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
