You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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