It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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