so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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