Your face is a jimmy john
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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