We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
