I hate your face
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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