I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
