speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
