that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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