I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
