Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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