it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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