You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
