help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
