Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
