The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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